comedy, dystopia, US politics

Minimum Wage Increase Is Widely Criticised

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The minimal pay rise was good news for WalMart employees.  The extra three dollars meant an extra beer on the weekend.

Tuck Pence felt it was bad news for his beloved Republicans most of whom were in uproar about such an audacious move on the part of the new woman president of the USA, who they privately nicknamed ‘pussy galore’.

Tuck had not been successful in his campaign to scupper pussy’s minimum wage increase to $20 a hour, he woke up nights in a cold sweat – worried what his friends in the party would think of him after such an abject failure.
House speaker Kurt K even threatened legal action.
“House Republicans will keep on looking to see if the president is loyally executing the oaths she took a vow to do,” he told correspondents on Capitol Hill. Tuck winced at the clumsy syntax. ‘You don’t ‘do’ vows you moron! You adhere to them!’ He yelled at the TV.
‘I think [in the case of] the federal contracts and the minimum wage she probably has the authority to do that, but we are going to watch very closely because there is a constitution that we all take an oath to, including her, and following that constitution is the basis of our republic.’

Where does it say in the constitution that low-paid workers must be paid below the rate of inflation? The Washington journos asked, reasonably, Tuck felt, but that didn’t take away his problem.
Pushed on what steps he may take, Kurt simply said, ‘there are choices accessible to us.’
The new woman president began with promises on firearm control, migration and environmental change- issues that remained untouched, but then – the woman president was hampered by events. Ted Leach’s leaks created havoc, and added fuel to the flames created by her attempt to introduce the new social medicine pact.
Could this be the end?
Well, the president’s annus horribilis included public resistance to the new social medicine pact, the destruction of which, the New Republicans made their mission. The Democrats were weak throughout the midterms, and their share of the Senate drastically reduced.
An attempt to regain popularity.
Cynics might say, ‘two or three extra dollars is peanuts – and god bless you for your generosity sir.’ Yes, she was trying to do something for the little guy and gal; out in the cold, post virus.
Well, yes and no.
Tuck said, no way, this wage increase will hurt small business people, and job layoffs are inevitable.

They didn’t care about the hungry underpaid people living in cars. Hundreds of thousands of American families were living on the breadline, despite working 10 hour days.

Oh no, they said, the extra money will cause no increase in spending because eventually this will level out with the rise in inflation. The woman president pointed out that nevertheless, the wage increase addresses financial pain in the lower strata of society.  Therefore, the cloudy lens of US politics was now squarely focused on the uncomfortable issue of inequality in America. Three dollars worth.
Rosa Lamb a powerful member of congress (D) even gave a speech about inequality with urgent warnings about the “crisis of inequality”. She stood and spoke to the house about the “existential threat to our nation,” posed by the “crisis” of national inequality, (that’s the 1% versus 90% of haves and have-nots).
Privately, back in her office, she got on Zoom and said, “listen guys, hadn’t we better spread it around, a bit? Better have a minimum wage increase, keep ’em quiet or they’ll come for us and our money too.”
Ergo, a few extra peanuts to the workers.
God Bless America!

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About Pina Noir

Writer living in London
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